Shalom, Santa appears on
Hopelessly In Love: The Lyrics Of Tom Toce
Featuring Carole J. Bufford, Jack Donahue, And Jennifer Sheehan
with a guest appearance by Jane Monheit
Sung by Carole
Music by Douglas J. Cohen
Piano: Matthew Martin Ward
Bass: Boots Maleson
Shalom, Santa
Dreidl, dreidl, dreidl
I made one out of clay
And Daddy hung it on the tree
On Christmas Eve day
Adam Mitchell is a Quaker
He’s a Quaker through and through
Sally Baker is a Baptist
That’s another point of view
We were walking in the park one day
I heard them say
“Hey, Maggie, what are you?”
I said, “My Daddy is a lapsed Catholic
And my mama is a cultural Jew.”
Now, I have to say my parents
Aren’t religious in the least
But my grandpa is a rabbi
And my uncle is a priest
And they’re always playing
Monkey in the middle
And the monkey is–guess who
When your Daddy is a lapsed Catholic
And your mama is a cultural Jew
Wish I had a faith I could have faith in
Like everybody in my homeroom does
But nobody I turn to has the answer
Not even Judy Blume does
Are you there, God? It’s me, Margaret
Uh—Margaret Kugelman-Kelly
Kind of wish I were a Moslem
Or a budding Buddhist monk
A reborn Jehovah’s Witness
With my pamphlets in a trunk
If I only were a Hindu
I could do all day
What all the Hindus do
But instead I’ve got this Irish temper
From the tsuris I go through
Now, perhaps I tend to overstate the guilt
And contradictions that ensue
But it seems that what on one hand
Is a mitzvah
On the other is taboo
So I’ve gotta say an Ave
And an oy vey
And a mea culpa, too
‘Cause my daddy is a lapsed Catholic
And my mama is cultural Jew